I have very strict requirements (Part 2)

I kept getting flagged, so I posted the message in a nearby city.  Here's what I've got so far.

Original Post

Hello and thank you for reading. I have a very specific set of requirements, but please don't let that deter you from reading my whole post.

First, I'll be honest with you. I only date men with advanced degrees (MD, DDS, PhD, JD). I prefer men with annual salaries of $100,000+, but I will make an exception if you have a nice dong, or an inheritance in your near future.

As far as looks go, I am not too discriminatory. I prefer men 5'10 or above and HWP. Tan and nicely muscled is a bonus. Back hair is ok, but please don't look like you are laying under a bear skin rug. Men with accents get preferential treatment.

I myself am 5'4 and about 160 lbs. Not exactly HWP, but I'd like to think my fluffiness holds a certain charm. As far as complexion goes, I am very pale -- translucent really. I burn when exposed to sunlight.

Career-wise, I have been fired or laid off from nearly every job I have ever had. I'd like to think it's just a 13 year bad luck streak that will soon break. Also, I recently had a ch 7 and have about $50,000 in student loans.

Other important qualities you should know about me: I have one breast that is a solid D. I am a master chef with anything that comes from a box. I only have one noticeable grey hair that just won't go away no matter how many times I pluck it. I do not have a mustache.

It would be nice to find a nice doctor or dentist who wants to get married and start a family. I can be a stay at home mom!

Replies

There are more replies than this, but I am too tired and lazy to copy them all.

M says.... It's rather funny that you seem to be looking for that "perfect" man who has his shit together when your life's a wreck and it sounds like you look like a lumpy sack o potatoes. Instead of seeking cpt saveahoe, perhaps you should get your shit together and fix your circumstances on your own, not only would this bring great satisfaction and confidence to yourself, but then you would naturally attract someone else who also has those self reliant qualities.

My reply... Hello Sir,

Thank you for your reply.  However, you neglected to mention which of the three categories in which you are qualified:  A) Doctor B) Big Dong C) Inheritance.  I'll also accept a mixture of the three categories.

Please feel free to send dong pic or recent bank statement, for my perusal.   

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S says.... no I didn't read the whole post but here is a dong for you to suck on!!!! 

(gratuitous wiener pic that he found on the interwebz is redacted)

My reply... You fit category B! Well done, sir.  You have now advanced to part two of the interview process. 

S says ... what is part two? and what the hell are you talking about?

My reply ... You said you have a big dong, which is one of my criteria.  You have met my baseline criteria for relationships. Congratulations.  What is your name, solider?

S says... my name is (redacted)  and I will say I can go for at least an hour or as long as you want me to go!! what is your name and may I see a pic of you?

My reply... hmm that is intriguing.  Are you rich?

S says... I am rich enough, why are you going to charge me? and why no pic? and let me know if you just want some fun.

(after no reply he emails again)  yep that is what I thought all talk not balls

My reply... I don't have balls. I am a girl. 

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N says.... At least you are honest

My reply .... Honest and sexy as hell.

N says.... Yeah I don't really meet your requirements from my knowledge.  I was just saying that it is nice to hear someone that is honest for a change on CL.

My reply.... what are your requirements?

N says... Decent looking.  Honesty.  Financially independent if possible.  Any other criteria you are looking for in 

             a man?

My reply... I don't think I meet any of those requirements. 

N says... Well we are even then.  Except me possibly having a nice dong...  I am not really an expert on the subject so I would not know.

My reply... you can't judge your own dong as nice or not? sad.

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C says ... Wow ur pathetic and not to mention ur dreams arent going to come true i here mc donalds is hiring pethotic bitches u should apply

My reply...  Hello Chad,

Thank you for your sweet reply.  You neglected to mention which of the three criterion in which you fit;  A) doctor B) big dong C) inheritance.  Please reply with a picture of your dong and a recent financial statement.

p.s.  It is Pathetic, not pethotic. 

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Anonymous says... Your not even hot Lol good luck

My reply... how do you know I am not hot?

Anonymous says... Your height and weight.  Not good if you want that.  I am hot and hung so I have my choice just thought your add was funny.  If you where hot you would of attached a pic. 

My reply... If you were hot YOU would have attached a pic.   I bet you don't even have a big dong. 

Anonymous says... OK Yes I do I wear magnums.  I don't lie.  OK let's see your pic

My reply ... I need to see a dong pic before I release any pics of me. 

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O says... r  u  cereal?

My reply ...  Cereal like frosted flakes.

O says ... touché` 

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